They'll Know We Are Christians

Matthew 18:15-20

          There is an Irish saying that pertains to relationships of all kinds, and, in the endearing way that such Irish sayings do, cuts to the chase and honestly articulates how we may feel about those who have offended us. Perhaps you’ve heard it before. It goes like this:

May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.
~Irish Prayer 

I think that most of us here today can probably understand that sentiment better than the one that come to us out of the scriptures, that would have us love our enemies, and bless those who curse us. The Irish saying describes the very human reaction and desire that we often have when another person hurts us, and when that person is unrepentant. We simply want the one who offends to receive their “just desserts”, right?

But Jesus’ way is different, as we see in this text. Jesus calls for a response to sin that involves loving the person while still holding individuals and communities of faith responsible for their actions. Jesus offers practical advice to his disciples and by extension, the church, for how we as individuals and as church, should proceed when relationships break down and misconduct results.

First and foremost, Jesus advocates for our speaking with one another rather than to each other, because God is all about relationship. In Jesus’ advice there is room for conversation, compassion, and restoration.

In fact, those are the goals of Jesus’ instruction, for in our gospel text this morning, Jesus’ words give us a picture of one person relating to another with respect, love, and clarity. Matthew writes that if someone sins against us – does something to hurt us, breaks the law as it applies to human relationships – here is what to do:

First, approach that person, and go off by yourselves. Speak with the person in question, in private. Point out what they have done. Whatever the situation, if this approach works and an understanding is reached, and restoration to healthy relationship is achieved, great! You each go on your way. Problem solved. Way to go!

However, if the person resists your attempt to rectify the situation, it is time to call for back-up. So, take another member or two with you. Have the conversation. The witnesses may help bolster your argument, or they may help set you straight if you are in error with what you are saying. Hopefully, together, you will reach an understanding and again, the problem will be solved.

If it is not, hoever, and you follow step three and raise the issue up to the membership of the church and they also demand repentance but the offender does not comply, Jesus says, “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” That doesn’t sound good, does it? Gentiles and tax collectors were marginalized – they were outcasts – they were not accepted in the community, they didn’t eat with the members of the community, they were, in a word, shunned. That sounds pretty severe, pretty serious, doesn’t it? It sounds an awful lot like “tough love.”

          Back in 1968, a book entitled “Tough Love” was published. It was written by Bill Milliken who coined the term “tough love” and the concept and phrase have been co-opted by many authors, therapists and others in the years since. Generally speaking, there is an assumption of genuine love or affection toward the one on whom seemingly harsh or “tough” love is employed. Generally speaking, this type of discipline was and is used for individuals who have persistently acted in unwise, dangerous, and irrevocably “sinful” ways – ways that result in the breakdown of trust and relationship, that disregard the well-being of the community or relationships that exist, and demonstrates willful disregard for “the rules”. Tough love is intended for times when other attempts at discipline or bringing the offending individual back into the fold have failed.

But we know that “tough love” has been misused and misappropriated at times, resulting not in loving correction but in abusive situations. For instance while some so-called “boot camps” for troubled teens, appropriately use reward and punishment to achieve positive results, others have used methods to correct their “campers” that have been judged criminal. In some cases, they have even resulted in the death of their subjects. At the very least some have heaped emotionally devastating abuse on vulnerable children and teens.

Frankly, the problem I have with this text, is that we know it too, has been misused both by individuals and in some communities of faith. It, too, has the ability to be used to inflict punishment and pain on individuals rather than restore relationship. Yet we know the God is all about relationship. God desires relationship so much that God became vulnerable for the sake of love. The same God who sent is Son to die on a cross, does not give up on us.

In this chapter and throughout scripture, God relentlessly insists upon forgiveness because God knows who we are, and God knows we need it, that without God’s brand of justice, community is lost. Biblical commentator Thomas Long writes, “Matthew has no romantic illusions about the church He knows that the church is not all sweet thoughts, endlessly patient saints, and cloudless skies. In Matthew’s church, people—no matter how committed, are still people, and stormy weather is always a possible forecast.”

God knows that God’s children are finite human beings, and that we mess things up. We make mistakes. We act in ways that hurt ourselves. We say and do things that hurt other people. Occasionally, our sinfulness disrupts and even destroys community. But restoration to the fold is a primary focus of this chapter and of Jesus’ words.

The same Jesus who advocated forgiving seventy times seven, and who goes off in search of one measly lost sheep, leaving ninety-nine behind to do so cares about each individual, and does not let go of those whom he has claimed as his own. So, while we might focus on and get stuck on the part of this text that deals with apparent banishment, Jesus focuses on loving, on constantly seeking another way to heal broken relationships and forge pathways of reconciliation and restoration. Isn’t that the way of our God?

God is intimately involved and cares about each individual story and our collective story so much that God reaches out, sending forth his son into our human history in such a way so as to bring salvation, healing, and reconciliation. This kind of love is so high, and broad, and deep, that it covers the height of our dreams and our joys; the width and breadth of our experiences; and it reaches into the depths of our discouragement, despair, and even our death. It impacts all our relationships, especially in this community of the Body of Christ.

My brothers and sisters, try as we might, we know that our love is imperfect. We know that we can hold onto resentments forever; sometimes we desire revenge or payback, like knowing our adversaries by their limp! We often withhold forgiveness, and occasionally we even withhold our love from those who hurt us. We often find it easier to talk about someone we have conflict with, rather than with that person. We know that sometimes, even our best attempts to make amends, to set things right, to do the right thing, to be forgiving or loving will fall short. We know that we will fail to be humble in our relationships as Christ is humble.

Friends, may we also know that through Christ we are strengthened and restored to God’s grace, not because of who we are but because of who God is. Our gracious Lord Jesus accompanies us on this journey. In this passage, for the one who resists attempts at restoration, Jesus says, “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

Yet, if you remember the gospel in its entirety, then you know the loving character of God as well. Because didn’t Jesus eat with tax collectors? Didn’t he forgive sinners and heal Gentiles along the way? Didn’t Jesus love even those who rejected him, didn’t he look out for the outcast, the marginalized? Didn’t Jesus in every way seek reconciliation, restoration and redemption – didn’t he always leave the door open for the return of the lost? Didn’t he in fact, seek them out?

God, as Trinity, is always in relationship with us; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are poised to accompany us as we live out God’s grace and mercy in our relationships, in community.

My friends, may this unfathomable grace of God free us to love fully, remembering and sharing in the promise of God’s grace with and for one another. Let the grace and mercy of Christ wash over us each day as on the day of our baptism, freeing us to let go of resentments, and anger, and hurt. May God’s grace free you to be in the driver’s seat, seeing each other with new eyes, and restoring you to relationships shaped by mercy and love.